Healing from Abandonment Trauma: 3 Things I Learned from Being Cheated On

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~Rumi

I want to share an wits I went through that hurt like hell, but that helped me so much in the long run.

The wits was stuff “cheated on,” though the woman wasn’t my girlfriend. Nevertheless, I was very tying and it felt awful.

So, let me start with the backstory.

I met Diana through bilateral friends in late 2021. I thought she was cute, and a little anxious, which I seem to gravitate toward. That’s just my savior ramified coming out, which is flipside story for flipside day.

Eventually we hooked up without a holiday party and unfurled hooking up regularly. I began to have stronger feelings for Diana than I anticipated, though I tried to play it tomfool and not rationalization any ineligibility in the group.

Things started deteriorating between us at one point, and it culminated in Diana going home with flipside guy basically in front of me.

Needless to say, I was devastated.

My friend who introduced me to Diana was there, and he asked me, “Are you transmissible feelings?” I was so angry that he would try to shame me into not feeling what I was feeling. I said, “Yes, I am” and left immediately.

On the way home, I was screaming in my car, and I plane punched my steering wheel, which I had never washed-up before. I was so triggered and mad. There was a tornado of emotion ripping through my chest—anger, grief, worthlessness, desperation.

The next day, I woke up and left the house to get a smoothie. I didn’t want to be by myself as I was going through this.

Initially I didn’t finger so bad, but I knew that the wave was going to hit me sooner or later. I started rereading books on relationships that I had read before. Books like Fear of Intimacy by Robert Firestone and Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody. Luckily, I had these books to turn to for guidance.

Over the next two weeks I cried multiple times on my way to work, or on the way home from running errands. I plane pulled over a few times to yowl my vision out and wail vacated in my car surpassing continuing.

Over the next couple of months, I worked on processing the grief and pain. Occasionally I would swoop deep and get a memory of diaper abandonment, the real source of the pain. I’d get a memory of my mom not stuff there for me…

While I was growing up, my mom worked all the time to support our family. And we had such a big family that one-on-one time was basically nonexistent.

That meant there were myriad times when I felt lost, abandoned, and overlooked.

Being tightly hurt by Diana gave me the opportunity to go right to the source of the pain, my original zealotry experiences. Daily meditation and journaling helped whittle yonder the pain.

It was slow progress for a while. I plane stopped writing for a few weeks considering I was overwhelmed with emotion. But sooner I began to finger like myself again.

The first two months were rough, the next two were a little better, and without six months I was finally out of the weeds. But increasingly than that, I finger largest than I did surpassing I met Diana.

I finger as if my baseline level of security and happiness is higher. The way I think well-nigh it is that my zealotry experiences were heavy boulders weighing lanugo my soul. Not delivering them virtually feels so much lighter.

I must have spent over 100 hours meditating to let go of these emotions, and I’ve learned a few things in the process…

1. Present pain is compounded by pain from the past. If you want to be free, heal the original wound.

2. We seek what is familiar in relationships, plane at the expense of our safety and happiness. And what is familiar is the love we received from our parents. If we want to have largest relationships, we need to heal our past or we will repeat what we know endlessly.

3. We get what we need to heal in relationships. And I think that’s beautiful. While things might suck in the short-term, you’ll come to know that life has your weightier interests at heart. Now that this episode is over, I’m glad life gave me the wits I needed to heal.

Now it’s time for a counterintuitive move that helped me tropical this installment in my life.

I used to think “being left by Diana like that hurt so bad and I wouldn’t want to wits it again, but I am glad that I was worldly-wise to learn and grow from it.”

But that thought reveals that there is increasingly work for me. To get closure from this experience, I had to unshut myself up to going through it then (but trusting life to not be so cruel).

It’s not what you would think would help, but when you run from an wits you are still controlled by it.

And if your goal is genuine freedom, you need to unshut yourself up to it. Of course, I will still be cautious going forward, just not fearful.

Once I opened myself up to experiencing that same pain and hurt, I became freer. I took off the armor I was wearing, and I know that life can be trusted to have my back.

I’d rather live with an unshut heart and get hurt than live sealed off. That’s the way of freedom.

“You have to alimony breaking your heart until it opens.” ~Rumi

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